"Treat the ones you love the most with the greatest benevolence."
Dr. Jeffrey Title
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| LEARNING THE GOLDEN RULES |
THE GOLDEN RULES
From my perspective, these "rules" are the heart (forgive the pun) of any couple's plan for self-improvement. They lay out the basic behavioral guidelines I think are absolutely necessary to protect the fragile institution of intimate, enduring, adult love relationships.
1. THE RULE OF REASONABLENESS
Being reasonable means accepting what makes the most sense over wanting to win, prove a point, or get the advantage.
Being reasonable means that fights never end in outrageous threats, conflicts are worked out in a thoughtful manner, neurotic hang–ups are never sufficient in and of themselves to rule out a reasonable wish of yours or your partner’s.
Being reasonable means resolving differences in favor of the relationship.
Being reasonable means the ability to compromise
Being reasonable allows you to wade into potentially explosive problems knowing that neither of you is going to come out seriously burned.
2. THE RULE OF CORDIALITY
Cordiality — every–day good manners — keeps us from stomping on each other’s toes and imbues our interactions with dignity.
3. THE RULE OF KINDNESS
Kindness means treating the ones you love with the most with the greatest benevolence.
Kindness means bending over backwards to show you care.
Kindness means treating the ones you love the most with the greatest benevolence.
4. THE RULE OF FAIR PLAY
Fair play means not exaggerating needs or manipulating dishonorably to get your own way.
Fair play means sharing equally when it’s possible.
Fair play maximizes the chances for teamwork within a love relationship. And being on a well-working team creates strong feelings of pride and closeness.
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In our sessions I focus strongly on helping couples to both learn these Golden Rules and carry them out. Your commitment to follow
the Golden Rules means making an abiding
commitment to havingyour relationship be the central force of joy in your
life and will maximize your chances of achieving true intimacy.
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