"I call the process 'putting your cards on the table,' Terrence Real (the founder of Relational Therapy) calls it 'joining in the truth.' It comes down to figuring out what a couple's problem really is, deciding what to do about it, and doing it."
Dr. Jeffrey Title
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My couples therapy approach brings the unhappy couple to my office (or by computer to computer video conferencing world wide) for double length sessions. The first two sessions follow an interview approach where I figure out what has gone wrong and why and share my observations. Not surprisingly, I have found that most troubled couples have been endlessly repeating the same mistakes, with ever worsening results. In subsequent sessions my goal is to maximize awareness of dysfunctional kneejerk behaviors and teach each partner how to substitute smarter behavioral choices. In my book, LOVING SMART, written when I’d been seeing couples in troubled relationships for over twenty years, I explained how a realistic view of intimacy could strengthen loving ties. Today, over a decade later, I always combine these insights with intensive work on teaching couples specific methods for making things right when things go wrong. Even the best of intimate relationships wander off course and need to employ a “mechanism of repair.”
My primary goal as a relationship specialist is to inspire the rebirth of loving feelings and loving actions in place of loneliness, despair, frustration, anger and I detachment. I’m aiming for a return of great times and meaningful conversations. My mission is to promote full respect relationships with a deep regard for the integrity of each individual. I've been inspired by Pia Mellody and Terry Real's relational therapy teachings to focus on the role of equality in the creation of long-term intimacy.
The therapy process involves learning when and how to apply skills of relational repair in order to dispel feelings of disconnectedness, disharmony and a lack of satisfaction between mates. Without knowing what to do and when, couples end up in ever-intensifying cycles of resentment, anger, despair, withdrawal and ultimately disintegration.
Many couples have tried counseling in the past without success, remaining in a state of frustration, dissatisfaction and disharmony. You will find my approach different from other therapies. As a mature man with many years of experience I have the ability to put therapy-adverse men or women at ease by my frank, direct and respectful approach.
We begin by having each partner fill out the fairly detailed informational forms in advance of our first session. The first few sessions are relatively structured as each member of the couple is engaged in conversation (in front of his/her partner) with the goal of getting out on the table each of the partner’s point of view and nailing down the essential relational problem. Then comes my take on what’s gone wrong and why. Unlike most other couples approaches, I will name names and even take sides. In practice this comes across as caring commitment to the truth, not as confrontation. Couples like knowing where I think they stand, and what kind of quicksand I think they are trying to float on. Couples tell me this process helps them feel hopeful since they can readily see that we are lazering in on real underlying sources of trouble right from the start.
During most of the therapy process I work with each partner individually while the other partner listens intently. We minimize the time wasted arguing back and forth, which can be fairly common in other approaches to couples therapy. My objective is to address problematical behaviors of each partner separately so that the other partner can devote her/himself to listening and learning about the other. It’s one of the basic relational skills-when one person is talking, the other’s only job is listening.
I help each partner identify and understand how familial,
financial, sexual and work-related pressures impact their relationship.
I also promote improvement in communication skills. Upon introspection, these skills can, help prevent unnecessary separations or divorces. After a process of assessment, I identify and clearly discuss each
person's particular problem areas and needs for growth. I provide and
model the skills necessary for improvement and guide the couple toward
their particular relationship solutions.
I teach couples that conflict is inevitable but respect is imperative. It’s all about learning how to turn adversity into opportunity for loving growth. This is achieved by helping couples regain the emotional and physical intimacy they once enjoyed.
Session Length: We meet for a minimum of one hour and forty five minutes, weekly or every-other week, either in my Main Street office in Great Barrington or via video-conferencing world wide. The extra long sessions are mandatory for this deep intervention method. Couples in acute crisis can be seen more that once a week, at my office or via video-conferencing. I offer longer weekend intensives
for both local couples in crisis and out-of-towners. Great Barrington is in the heart of the Berkshires, a four season arts and sports activity center.
FEES: Hour and forty-five minute couples' sessions are $300, each additional 45 minutes is $150. Weekend sessions (3 hours each) can be mornings, afternoons, and/or evenings. Each Saturday and/or Sunday 3 hour session is $500.
This therapy can turn out to be considerably less costly than a contested divorce and could prove priceless when weighed against the long-term emotional, relational, family and financial hardships divorce can entail.
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